put your hand on your heart and tell me that we're through

They like to talk about forever. But most people never get the chance

sunset tree

"Personal Daily Horoscope of Saturday, 5 December 2009

Deeper understanding: This quality of time will help you to develop a deeper understanding of those psychological areas that are connected with the experience of pain, suffering and rejection.

This influence is especially well suited to so deepening the understanding of these interrelations that the first inklings of how to carry out a healing can be perceived.

During this phase it is important to talk to other people who are interested in this theme.

This time is well suited to penetrating the complicated connections and dependencies between human behavior, the psyche and early injuries - to differentiate between cause and effect -, whether for yourself or for someone who has confided in you.

The interpretation above is for your transit selected for today:
Mercury Trine Chiron, , exact at 15:54
activity period from 4 December 2009 to 6 December 2009
[turn off]Show the love horoscope for this transit (L)"

Lonely? Maybe

Or maybe not. It all depends

And I never thought this life was possible

You're the yellow bird that I've been waiting for

I'm looking for salt in a snow globe

I just want back in your head

some hope, some despair

Beyond all reason, I am attached to the idea of true love and the idea that there is someone in the world that you are meant to be with. You know, “the one”. Maybe you already know that person, or maybe you have a connection waiting to be discovered, whatever, that person is somewhere in this world.

It's a kinda crazy and overwhelming prospect. What are the chances that while you're going about your daily life and normal routine, you will find someone who totally gives you THAT feeling?

It's not something that just happens all the time, so when it does, it totally sets your world on fire and makes your heart feel alive. All of a sudden, it's hard to imagine a life worth living without that person in it. You feel absolutely convinced that those feelings will never die, in fact, they will keep growing deeper and deeper with time.

But. What happens when you think you've found that person, but the timing and circumstances are all wrong?

Like, for starters, what are the chances you that the other person will immediately get the same feeling from you? And that you, or they, won't have just ended some messy relationship and be all fucked-up and heartbroken? And that you, or they, despite your best intentions, won't be all hurt and bitter from general past heartbreaks?

And that neither of you will be just about to leave town or move away? And that you, and they, actually feel ready for some sort of “all-consuming thing”?

What if the circumstances simply don't allow for you to be together? What if the timing is just all wrong?

Do you accept the idea that there may never be a chance to ever be together? Do you just keep moving forward, with a heart that has some bitter regrets about missed opportunities and stupid timing?

Even if that other person finds someone else, do you let it go?

Or do you remain ever hopeful and eternally delusional? In love with the idea that everything will work out and be perfect in the end. I mean, you don't want to settle for your second choice, right?

I always kinda wrote off the Descendents as being a bunch of adolescent suburban punk boys, teeming with juvenile sentiments and, I suspected, probably renowned for charmingly dumb teenage antics.

But in the last few years, Chris has almost always played them on the 4ZZZ Punk Show, and finally, I get it. I get them. And shit, I gotta give some play to a band that is considered to be somewhat pioneering in the pop punk genre. And if I was to put them in a further sub-genre it would be “eternally-heartsick-but-forever-hopeful-if-not-somewhat-naive-about-matters-of-the-heart pop-punk”.

I mean, that song “I'm The One”...woah. Who doesn't wish that they wrote that? And of course, “Hope”. Which is the reason why we're here today:

My day will come/
I know someday/
I'll be the only one


PS. Do you like how I tried to make this sound all objective and generalised and universal? I mean, you don't -heaven forfend- think I'm talking about ME and my own experiences, do you?

Why I was the one worth leaving

Frank Turner covering "The District Sleeps Alone" and breaking my heart over-and-over again.

I texted my best-friend Lucy to tell her I'd just listened to this song on repeat *at least 10 times* and she instructed me to stop it immediately. She is one of the people who understands how I subject myself to melancholy heartbreaking music like this and potentially wallow in it forever. I almost make myself feel worse, but it also makes me feel so much better too. So I might just sneak in one more listen today.

There's something about Frank Turner that is an affirmation for me. Even if he doesn't always explicitly spell-it-out lyrically, his songs give me this feeling that is hard to describe, but important for me to try and understand. Something about unfinished lives still in progress, people that haven't got it all sorted out yet and are still fucking-up and starting from scratch and trying again and again and again. Like you could let your painful failures and heartbreaks crush you, but you can also remember that the world is full of people starting over their lives from scratch every day.

I'm in good company (or at least, lots of it) even when I think I'm struggling alone with all this stuff.

Also, aforementioned best-friend Lucy is responsible for this sentiment, some words that I thoroughly endorse:

"I don't believe in staying in touch, it's for boring people who are dead inside. for people like us we just fall right back into things when we see each other."

And I'll add to that a few more things, like that I don't care about romanticising the old-days or school-days as the best time of my life, and I don't want to "catch up" or look back and reminisce, I really am more interested in moving on and more interested in now.